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Pretty Little Liars: No more dance interludes, please. [S06E05]

Listen, y’all, I just watched a show that concluded with a mystery person putting a tiny wig on a tennis ball and combing it for several seconds while I stared on, dumbfounded. This isn’t going to be pretty.

I mean, LOOK:
Tennis ball wearing a wig, Pretty Little Liars

Is this real life gif

We’re five episodes into season six on Pretty Little Liars now and… #&%*?!!! Sadly, they didn’t heed my request from last week and drop Charlie D. into the episode to clear some stuff up. (Where is he? Does he still exist? WHO KNOWS. And WHO CARES, I guess.) Also, three out of four Liars are still sleeping in their bedrooms like they weren’t locked in duplicates of them in an underground bunker for weeks, like, five seconds ago. I DON’T UNDERSTAND. Burn everything, girls! START FRESH. FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH.

Bewigged tennis ball aside, the episode moved the show forward… a tiny bit. But: WTF was that opening?! It was pretty much The Ring starring a ballerina and with a bathtub, instead of a television. NOT OKAY.

Hanna & Spencer had my two favorite exchanges of the episode. First, Hanna called out Spencer for texting while she was trying to talk to her:

“Unless you’re texting me the answer, you’re rude!”

TRUTH. (Put your phones away during your convos, kids.)

Then they went exploring in some creepy, abandoned place, where they saw something in a gross bathtub, and:

Hanna: “OH MY GOD. Is that a kneecap?”
Spencer: “Don’t touch it.”
Hanna: “Why would I touch it?!”

Honestly, Spencer, that was the most pointless thing to say ever. SHE’S NOT GOING TO TOU–… Oh wait, Spencer touched it with a stick. No wonder she thought that was a thing that someone would do. (BRB, barfing forever.)

Also, this stuff happened:

  • Mona came back to town and wore sunglasses indoors… as a disguise? Or did she have underground bunker-eyes? (Probably not, since that other girl was down there for much longer & she got a haircut & is just living life now, man.)
  • Other bunker girl has mom probs, so Emily suggested she get emancipated, like that’s super simple. They asked Caleb and he rained on their parade a bit when he pointed out she has no job to support herself. Emily’s like, “No one expects her to have a hedge fund!” (I don’t think that’s what he said, but OKAY EMILY. YOU DO YOU.)
  • Aria’s new photographer dude friend invited her to drive out to some random highway spot and take photos. Of course, I wondered if he was luring her to be murdered or something, but apparently he just wanted to hang out. And he unknowingly got a shot of ‘A’ sneaking around in the background!
  • Aria snagged the photo of ‘A’ and IT WAS A GIRRRRRRRRRL! (Gasp!)
  • Alison kissed that new cop and, um, isn’t she still a teen girl? And isn’t he a bit old? And why does this show forget about that constantly?!!
  • MONA! ON THE PHONE! AT THE END! WHAT WAS THAT?!
  • Also: TENNIS BALL WEARING A WIG.

Pretty Little Liars, Tennis Ball Wig Never Forget

Honestly, this episode didn’t do much for me except make me wish the time jump would get here already. Also, WHO THE HELL IS ‘A’ JUST TELL ME!

See this Pretty Little Liars page for links to each recap for season six.

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Pretty Little Liars loves to make us wait [S06E04]

Last week’s Pretty Little Liars left me wondering (1) why Alison’s dad was lying about mystery-Charles, (2) where Caleb was, and (3) why Aria was being Miss Moody Photos in her bedroom, and tonight’s episode (“Don’t Look Now”) addressed all three, if not much else.

So, here’s where we’re at:

Alison’s dad admitted that Charlie existed! He was her brother! And he tried to burn/drown baby-Alison in the bathtub so they locked him away. He’s thought to have died, but… that’s probably not the case, right? I mean, I don’t understand why they stopped Hanna from digging up that backyard grave to check. PICS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN, GIRLS.

Caleb returned! But oops! He put a tracker on Hanna’s car without her knowledge and she said she “needs space” so… bye again? The tracker was a bit of an Edward Cullen move, I admit, but she has been kidnapped and almost killed multiple times without anyone being caught for the crimes and being able to find her quickly if she disappears doesn’t seem like the most terrible plan.

Aria had to DEVELOP the emo bedroom photos she snapped last week, so naturally, tonight she got locked in a darkroom and met a new dude when he heard her screaming and let or out. (But maybe he also locked her in?) Dude totally admired her off-center creepy doll face photograph because she’s ~talented~ OKAY.

Spencer started having flashbacks of her time in the bunker. There was lots of blood in them, so she basically spent the whole episode like this:

internally screaming gif

Speaking of how they’re all still freaking out a bit after their captivity, HOW IS HANNA THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS TORN APART HER BEDROOM?! They were all held in replicas of their bedrooms and basically tortured. Seems like you’d want to update the wallpaper after that.

Anyway, someone grab Charlie D. and bring him by the next episode. Looking for him is kind of a bore. Also, I just remembered that there’s a time jump coming at the middle of this season… Five years! WHAT! Is ‘A’ still an issue then?!?!?!! (And can we just jump now?)

See this Pretty Little Liars page for links to each recap for season six.

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Charlie & the Pretty Little Liars [S06E03]

After last week’s MRA Alert (because hahahaha!), this week’s episode was sort of a letdown. I mean, yes they saw the name Charles DiLaurentis down in the creepy bunker and we need to know who that is… but does it really require this much time to tell us? Sure, we wait & wait & wait for the big ‘A’ reveal (for SEASONS!) but come on.

Why is Alison’s dad so crappy that he lied about Charles existing and apparently convinced Jason that he’d imagined him as a kid? These girls are being attacked, stalked, and harrassed for YEARS and Daddy DiLaurentis is all about keeping the family secrets instead of helping them out?

COME ON.

Annoyed eyeroll gif

My favorite line of the episode:

“It’s made up of facts… that doesn’t make it true.”

Oh, Spencer, you’re always such a dramatic brain. (ILY.) Also, this reminds me of how I craftily worded a reply to my mom the other day to avoid lying to her while also avoiding selling my sister out on something. Facts and truth aren’t precisely the same thing. Good catch, Spencer.

This episode was sort of a snooze because:

  • Where was Caleb?
  • Aria stood in her room taking photos of her stuff to remind us she’s artsy.
  • Alison’s dad is a jerk/liar and he shouldn’t make us wait so long for information that’s obviously going to come out.

You better step it up next week, PLL!

See this Pretty Little Liars page for links to each recap for season six.

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Pretty Little Liars, post-Dollhouse [S06E02]

Pretty Little Liars is back and tonight’s episode was the second of the sixth season. And OHMYGOD! I don’t know if Andrew is ‘A’ or not, but he’s totally an MRA so they should run from him either way. Look:

“They found a journal about how… Alison & the rest of you represented the feminization of society. It was a regular manifesto.”

Pretty Little Liar's Aria ooookay gif

The feminization of society! He wrote about it in his hate-journal! Something tells me the PLL writers didn’t have this exact moment planned from way back when the show started, but recent “manly” circumstances made this little nugget possible and it’s perfect.

That line, delivered by Toby, was basically my favorite of the entire episode. I also really loved Hanna & Caleb & her mom. (They’re my favorite family on the show, even though technically he’s her boyfriend and so not a part of their household. Still. They’re great to each other and for each other.)

The person who decided to keep the kidnapped girls in a bunker/prison with rooms decorated to match each of their bedrooms was a genius. Even if they’re home, the rooms feel like prison still. Hanna emptying out her room to start fresh made total sense and I was surprised the other girls didn’t want to do the same right away too. (Although I suppose that would’ve turned the show into a room makeover ep, which isn’t exactly the right tone.)

But seriously, how was Spencer trying to sleep in her room all alone? Like, go into your mom’s room or have someone over! You have PTSD and the world is a scary place when ‘A’ has been stalker-texting you for years!

So, basically:

  • It was pretty strange to watch an episode of PLL with the girls at their own houses and not receveiving creepy texts around the clock.
  • Caleb is the best boyfriend on the show & most shows. (Yay, Hanna!)
  • MRA alert! 😂

Looking forward to next week & hopefully some real ‘A’ answers. IT’S TIME!

See this Pretty Little Liars page for links to each recap for season six.

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Pretty Little Liars is Back! [S06E01]

I sort of can’t believe Pretty Little Liars kicked off its sixth season last night, except when I recall every faux-‘A’ reveal and ridiculous twist, that many seasons makes sense. SO MUCH has happened and yet… basically nothing has, when you think about the overall arc of the show.

UNTIL NOW. (dun dun duuuuuun)

I almost gave up on the show a few seasons back, after one too many “Gotcha! That’s not really ‘A’!” moments but I’m a sucker and went back, basically because I can’t resist this:

Pretty Little Liars Need a Napkin gif

‘A’ IS EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME!

‘A’ BASICALLY LIVE TEXTS THEIR LIVES!

IT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE!

It’s kind of like how Gossip Girl knew so much gossip all the time, and then you found out Gossip Girl’s identity and it made no sense how that person could’ve done all of that. (Except I gave up watching Gossip Girl & read spoilers to find out who it was because there was more rich kids being tools & less murder & mystery than PLL.)

I anticipate the exact same thing happening with ‘A’ and yet… I WILL WATCH THIS THING TO THE BITTER END.

If you’re watching too: That bunker! In prom dresses! Also: Caleb’s unwavering hacking skills! No one cares how ridiculously old Ezra is to be dating a high school girl anymore! And Creepy New Guy, Charlie D! THIS SHOW! 😍

See this Pretty Little Liars page for links to each recap for season six.