Listen, y’all, I just watched a show that concluded with a mystery person putting a tiny wig on a tennis ball and combing it for several seconds while I stared on, dumbfounded. This isn’t going to be pretty.
I mean, LOOK:
We’re five episodes into season six on Pretty Little Liars now and… #&%*?!!! Sadly, they didn’t heed my request from last week and drop Charlie D. into the episode to clear some stuff up. (Where is he? Does he still exist? WHO KNOWS. And WHO CARES, I guess.) Also, three out of four Liars are still sleeping in their bedrooms like they weren’t locked in duplicates of them in an underground bunker for weeks, like, five seconds ago. I DON’T UNDERSTAND. Burn everything, girls! START FRESH. FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH.
Bewigged tennis ball aside, the episode moved the show forward… a tiny bit. But: WTF was that opening?! It was pretty much The Ring starring a ballerina and with a bathtub, instead of a television. NOT OKAY.
Hanna & Spencer had my two favorite exchanges of the episode. First, Hanna called out Spencer for texting while she was trying to talk to her:
“Unless you’re texting me the answer, you’re rude!”
TRUTH. (Put your phones away during your convos, kids.)
Then they went exploring in some creepy, abandoned place, where they saw something in a gross bathtub, and:
Hanna: “OH MY GOD. Is that a kneecap?”
Spencer: “Don’t touch it.”
Hanna: “Why would I touch it?!”
Honestly, Spencer, that was the most pointless thing to say ever. SHE’S NOT GOING TO TOU–… Oh wait, Spencer touched it with a stick. No wonder she thought that was a thing that someone would do. (BRB, barfing forever.)
Also, this stuff happened:
- Mona came back to town and wore sunglasses indoors… as a disguise? Or did she have underground bunker-eyes? (Probably not, since that other girl was down there for much longer & she got a haircut & is just living life now, man.)
- Other bunker girl has mom probs, so Emily suggested she get emancipated, like that’s super simple. They asked Caleb and he rained on their parade a bit when he pointed out she has no job to support herself. Emily’s like, “No one expects her to have a hedge fund!” (I don’t think that’s what he said, but OKAY EMILY. YOU DO YOU.)
- Aria’s new photographer dude friend invited her to drive out to some random highway spot and take photos. Of course, I wondered if he was luring her to be murdered or something, but apparently he just wanted to hang out. And he unknowingly got a shot of ‘A’ sneaking around in the background!
- Aria snagged the photo of ‘A’ and IT WAS A GIRRRRRRRRRL! (Gasp!)
- Alison kissed that new cop and, um, isn’t she still a teen girl? And isn’t he a bit old? And why does this show forget about that constantly?!!
- MONA! ON THE PHONE! AT THE END! WHAT WAS THAT?!
- Also: TENNIS BALL WEARING A WIG.
Honestly, this episode didn’t do much for me except make me wish the time jump would get here already. Also, WHO THE HELL IS ‘A’ JUST TELL ME!
See this Pretty Little Liars page for links to each recap for season six.